6. CHLOE WHO?

My name is Chloe Ryan and I have survived the first day of zombie apocalypse. I am alone in a one room wooden house, with all of the windows boarded up and I don’t know how I got here. I don’t know what is happening outside and most of the information I have is based on assumptions and logic. I’d like to know how I survived, but it appears that the memory had been traumatizing enough to be wiped out of my mind. The world is crawling with the living dead while I am sitting in this grey, old unstable structure trying to leave a mark in this world. I exist and this is not a hoax. I woke up at around 4 am on the 24^th of June, holding an army knife in my hand like there was no tomorrow. I was covered in blood from head to toe wondering whether it belonged to a zombie or a person. That night I almost killed myself. Right beside me was a gun and a box of ammo. I did not know how I acquired it, but I knew it was not mine. I live in Ireland and keeping guns at home is a very uncommon custom. After realising that I had killed both my mother and brother Alex, I thought that I could take no more of it. Two things stopped me. First was the innocent look my baby rats gave me – I realised I cannot leave them. I realised I have something to live for and that I was not alone. My saviours. The second… I had my first flashback from the day of survival. I could see Alex staring at me with his hungry eyes. His features were set on default – emotionless. But somewhere deep inside I could see him, begging to be released. Then I knew – I had to stay alive. I have to continue no matter what, if not for me then for his sake. And many more like him. I felt like I was the relief they so longed for. So, here I am. You don’t know me, but I know you. You are a survivor, one of the last of our kind. Maybe you are still struggling to survive, maybe you are rebuilding this world. But I know one thing – you will force yourself to care about what I have to say. I am counting on you. This is history and you have a responsibility. Who am I? I don’t know if anyone can answer that question. But I can tell you about myself, so you could draw your own conclusions.


I am the girl you don’t want your son to be holding hands with. I am the girl you hope your daughter would never hold hands with. I am the person your parents warned you about. I am not saying that I am a bad person. I am different. I am the youngest daughter of Sam & Samuel Ryan. I have 3 siblings – a sister and 2 brothers. One of them was killed by me. I loved Alex. I was a difficult child. I took every advantage possible of being the youngest and the most cherished. The first time I used alcohol was at the age of 11. After that, I spent quite a lot of time getting myself in alcohol related trouble. I smoked every now and again until the age of 14 when I picked up it permanently. My parents divorced when I was nearing the age 15 and I knew it was my fault. Oh, don’t you worry, I didn’t blame myself. My father was a terrible person, and to save me and Alex from his influence, mother moved away. We were so much better off and a lot happier alone. I swore a lot since I was but a youngling and continued to throughout adolescents. Flirtation was my main way of communicating to both sexes and I was quite open about my own sex life. Oh, did I mention that I dressed in all black, had black eye make-up and listened to heavy metal? Yes, I am one of those people. I didn’t try to fit a label… I just preferred black over every other colour. And I found metal to be a lot deeper than pop music and I preferred aggressive over lovey-dovey whiney songs. I was very loud and annoying most of the time. It is uncommon considering that I suffered from SAD (Social Anxiety Disorder). I know, the abbreviation is pretty fitting. You probably expect me to tell you that I dropped out of high school and started selling drugs, but my story if not even that interesting. I was very good at school. I was on top of my class and worked very hard every day. I studied many subjects not offered in the school I attended at home. Education was my drug, not heroin. The only drug I had ever tried if you don’t count alcohol and cigarettes is weed. And I hated it. I spend most of my days indoors, but I was very fascinated by the magnificent outdoors and the nature it contained. I hated violence and confrontation. I also hated the humanity. I still do. I loved every single creature on this earth though. I am one of those people that wouldn’t ride a horse because they didn’t want to kick it. Yes, I am one of them. On top of all of that, I am a proud Atheist. Don’t judge me, I can’t help being smarter than the rest. I was born with enough intellect to drop faith and believe in reality. No evidence – not reality. Now that I have already insulted your beliefs (assuming you have any), I think I have made quite an impression. This is my notebook. It will contain all the information of my everyday dealings and thoughts. You will learn a lot more about me as we go. Yes, I am pretty confident that I will survive for a very long time. With my attitude, it would be hard to bring me down. One day I might even tell you how I feel about killing my own family. I’m not sure how I feel about the whole Alex situation, because I don’t know what happened. Hopefully it will all come back to me eventually. I am dreading the day, but it is essential for both of us to find out what happened on the day of survival. I’m pretty sure I kicked some major zombie ass.